What features does the iphone provide?

Comes with 98 different ringtones, each a recording of Steve Jobs explaining how cool and visionary Steve Jobs is

GPS feature automaticaly refers to user as the center of the universe

Uses a complex algorithim to determine which friends' calls should be answered based on how cool they are

Automatically deducts ridiculous sum of money from your bank account

Ignores the irony of you making fun of people who camped out for days to see the Star Wars prequels after you waited days at SouthPark to buy a new phone

makes you feel like James Bond, despite lousy job and bad haircut

Spank your inner child

K was at work the other night and overheard the managers, both young republicans, deeply engaged in a discussion of which car they would rather buy if they had all the money in the world: a Bently or a Lamborghini. they couldn't agree on a car, so they asked K what she thought.

"I'd really like a new Prius, the one with the new body style."

This response, of course, elicited moans and groans. How could anyone want that car when they could have any car in the world?

And it hit her: Republicans are like spoiled children.

Really, we've all known it for a long time. the republican party appeals to America's spoiled inner child. Want new freeways without a tax increase? You betcha! In fact, we'll cut all your taxes and still give you whatever you want. Now, let's go to war without any of you actually having to sacrifice anything.

That's why they hate liberals so much. We're the adults. We tell them they have to share the wealth by opening midnight basketball courts for poor kids, that SUVs caouse demage to the environment, or that they can't have their war without someone getting hurt -- then they just pout, get mad and turn up the O'Riley factor so loud it drowns us out.

Toby Keith is a jackass

I hate Nashville country. You know me. I listen to WNCW, have tons of Johnny Cash and Hank Sr on the ipod, and faithfully buy the Oxford American music issue every summer. So I was never a big fan of Mr. Keith to begin with.

When he said on the Colbert Report that he still wouldn't set aside his differences with the Dixie Chicks over certain comments about the relative sense of shame of being from the same state as the president on the eve of an unjustifiable war -- well, whatever. Big surprise.

But the thing he said next has been sticking in my craw. "I don't have to apologize for my patriotism."

I can't stand these fat-headed conservatives who think they have the monopoly on patriotism. as defined by them, patriotism is blindly following the president (oh, unless he's a democrat), looking the other way while the military is slowly being bled to death in Iraq, and calling French Fries, Freedom Fries.

I think. Yeah, I think an apology is in order. Actually. And that new song of his? Musical soft porn to make your mother blush, sir.

the Cup de Goooooold

I'm thinking I won't be going to South Africa for the next World Cup. We expect a lot of things to be going on in the Steadtecki household by 2010. law school graduation, moving (again), possibly a baby, the 200th anniversary of Mexican independence in Guanajuato (Reserve your hotel room now.).

So it's good that the US is plowing through the Gold Cup series. The Yanquis already knocked out several latino teams, and now face Little America in the semi-finals. I can't help but wonder, as K pointed out, that it seems strange that both countries from el Norte just happened to end up facing each other in the semi-final. It's almost as if the CONCACAF folks don't like the idea of an all-North-American championship. Maybe this was part of NAFTA, like the US-Canadian-Mexican beer specials at Casa Grande.

Anyway, I don't mind so much. If the US beats Canada tonight, and Mexico beats Guadaloupe (seriously?), we can see a rematch of the pre-season opener between the big rivals, all played against the backdrop of an intense national controversy over immigration.

I don't know about you, but plan on grabbing a good table at La Unica on Sunday if all goes well.

It's just too bad we don't already live in Chicago.

Mea culpa

Okay.

I think it's time I apologized for the absolutly lame and, quite frankly, bad posts lately.

I mean, fat people. There was something in there, I swear. But somewhere between driving home from the data entry cave and sitting down at the computer, I lost it. Sorry.

And that thing on how the US isn't so bad after all, well. Could have been better.

But, seriously. I'm ready now.

I knew it.

I have hated crocs from the beginning. from the matronly white women with big hats who wear them in the garden, to the aging hippies who wander around in them while sipping Starbucks Frappucinos, toDooglas, the tool who ruined a week and a half of our time in Mexico, I have always said that crocs are of the devil.

Chunky Monkies

I don't think it's okay to just make fun of fat people. As a former "person of heavier stature," I can recall the way some people treated me, especially in school.

But, a little shame goes a long way. Like today, in the breakroom at the office where I'm temping. Someone announced that there was leftover ice cream and pizza from a day camp they are running this week, and it didn't take much for the breakroom to fill up.

I waited a while before leaving the confines of my work area to fill my water bottle so the crowds would die down. Even then there were still people milling about, and above the music on my ipod I could clearly hear more than one person say "Oh, I shoudn't ..." then do it anyway.

Self control is not a bad thing. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to the ice cream place around the corner to silently judge all the fat people in line in front of me.